Prompt #17: Deliver + Lackluster
Hello Writers and Journalers,
Today’s two-word prompt is Deliver and Lackluster. And boy, this word combo is really preying on my mind today. I did one video about first thing this morning and my hair was done, my makeup was great – it was fine, whatever. The lighting was perfect. And of course, it didn’t work. It didn’t upload … because other things happened.
I was supposed to deliver something important – my time at a specific time – for someone I really care about – my daughter and my grandson – and I would categorize my follow-through with that as lackluster.
It’s operator error (all my fault). I tried my best and my best was lackluster. And it was 10:23 a.m. when I bust into tears for the third time. It’s been a tough day.
I had such good intentions, and then some things happened and I couldn’t (didn’t) get it together in time to deliver spectacularly (or even adequately) on a promise. Lackluster is right.
So. Here’s where the Daily Pages practice, where journaling, really helps. I am going to go to my Daily Pages and do a reset.
I can do what I did for years and beat myself up in my journal. I can focus on all the ways I let my daughter down and added stress to her shoulders and what a horrible person that makes me, etc., ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
Or I can do a reset.
I can write out what happened, take responsibility, think about how to plan better next time, figure out a sincere and meaningful apology, and then spend time writing about my original intentions and remembering that I had them, and that I worked late and got up early to honor my promise, and that my failure today was not about lack of love or lack of effort.
I can find a way to talk about the effort that I did make and what I put into it and what I’ve learned and how I succeeded in this failure. Every failure carries the potential of success and improvement (which is success).
When you struggle with something you have said or done that triggers the voice in your head that tells you how terrible you are, what a failure you are, and how you can’t do anything right, use your journal as a counterweight.
Experiment with being kind to yourself. Practice being kind, forgiving, and accepting. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love who screwed up or did something cringeworthy.
Meanwhile, please excuse me while I go write some very tough – but compassionate – pages.